In the news at this hour

While I bask in the glory of Roy Halladay's guaranteeing the Phillies the best record in the NL with a two-hit exclamation point, whereupon he also slammed the door on the Cy Young race (and locked it, set the alarm, pulled down the security gate, unleashed the guard dogs, and loaded his shotgun), I thought it would be a good time to clear my head of some other sports musings before I focus on the Phillies astonishing playoff run. And, you know, diversify my portfolio a little bit.

First, I have to offer my humble apologies for not believing the Phillies had this winning tear in them. When I lamented about the Phillies not signing Dan Haren and instead targeting Roy Oswalt, the Fightins appeared to be dead in the water after a historic outbreak of injuries and slumping sluggers. But Oswalt rejuvenated his career and, along with the Phillies other two aces, carried this Phillies team to it's best win total in many years. Even Placido Polanco, who I've been trashing since before the season, has been contributing to the squad by grinding out some quality playing time with a bum elbow that will need surgery after the season.

Nice work, Phillies. Like everybody else, I worry a little that this lineup will go cold during the playoffs, but I am officially in on another Red October.
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Have you heard about what happened to Kassim Osgood, Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver? Because it's nuts. Read the story for yourself, but here's how this guy spent a recent night in September:
1) Watched some TV at his girlfriend's house.
2) Got his TV viewing interrupted by a gun-wielding intruder wearing a plastic bag.
3) Had his head smashed by said intruder.
4) Was saved from further injury when his girlfriend, a Jag's cheerleader, got into a shootout with the assailant.
5) Jumped out a second-story window to escape.

He's ok, by the way, and so is his hero girlfriend. That's a keeper right there, ladies and gentlemen.
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How about Alberto Contador, Tour de France prendre fait et cause pour? A lab found a banned substance, clenbuterol, in two samples of his urine taken while he was competing in Le Tour. The lab also found plastic residues that turn up when an athlete is blood-doping.

The sample, incidentally,was taken right before Contador had a monster day on the bike that all but sealed his victory. Hmm.

In his defense, Contador claims that the drug invaded his system via a contaminated steak and that the accusations of blood doping are a "science fiction story." Hmm.

Contador is suspended from racing right now, but has not been officially found guilty of a doping violation.

Here's what I have to say about this. The ICU bent over backwards time and time again to accuse Lance Armstrong of doing everything this side of attaching a 900cc motor to his bike to win past Tours, and has succeeded in casting a shadow over Lance's victories. They jumped all over Floyd Landis less than a week after his positive performance-enhancing drug test. Yet here we are, three months after the Tour, and they are still dragging their heels about stripping Contador of his title?

What gives? I'll tell you what gives. The European-based ICU despises American competitors, and loves a hometown hero. Très lame. Contador needs to be stripped of his Tour victories and banned for life.

On a final note, it seems impossible to win a Tour de France without cheating. Maybe they should move it to the Midwest.