Dez Bryant can curse at off-duty police officers as much as he wants.

Look, the Dallas Cowboys are one of my favorite foils. I heap Texas-steer-sides of beefy condescension on that blue star and all who support it. I burn offerings to the sports gods to strike down every blue chip Dallas prospect with Fibromyalgia.
I'm no fan of the Dallas Cowboys. Nor am I a fan of Dez Bryant, who I've derided in this blog before.

So it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this news. Dez Bryant does not deserve recent criticism leveled at him by the press and Neon Deion Sanders.

Dez was shopping at some undoubtedly garish Dallas area mall this past weekend and got hit with a warning for criminal trespass. What actually happened at the mall is not entirely clear, but the consensus story so far is that Bryant was asked to pull up his low-riding pants by an off-duty police officer (or officers), and Bryant responded to the request with a profanity-laced tirade. One or both of these off-duty police officers slapped Bryant with the criminal trespass warning for "creating a scene."

Let's go over this in slow motion. Dez Bryant is sporting some saggy shorts. It's a misguided, lame, and antagonistic fashion statement. It's tacky, but not against the law. An OFF DUTY police officer tells Bryant to pull up his pants. Wait, let's pause the tape.

What the hell business is it of this off-duty police officer's how Bryant dresses? The officer is not acting in any official capacity ("off-duty"). There is no official capacity to this encounter; it's one citizen telling another citizen that he doesn't agree with a perfectly legal fashion statement.

We don't know how politely the officer asked Bryant to adjust his waistline, so we don't know how reasonable Bryant's tirade was. If I had to guess, though, I'd say that Bryant's outburst was understandable, because I'd assume:

1. That the off-duty police officer was white
2. That wearing one's pants low enough to reveal one's boxers is an urban (read: black) fashion trend
3. That the off-duty police officer was racist
4. That the off-duty police officer wanted to display authority over a wealthy young black man
5. That the off-duty police officer was abusing his power as a lawman and acting outside his capacity

In other words, the officer was fucking with Bryant, and Bryant didn't take kindly to that. This, in my scenario, led to:

1. The off-duty police officer feeling that his authority was challenged
2. The off-duty police officer re-establishing his authority by issuing a citation

And all of this culminated in a news sensation, feeding the white media's need to read stories about misbehaving young, wealthy black athletes. Because the white media are uncomfortable with wealthy young black men, and want to be reassured that rich, misbehaving black people can be put in their place.

Sound about right? It might not be. But it probably is. And, even if it isn't, it's probably close. Because there is no way that an off-duty police officer discreetly walked up to Bryant and initiated polite conversation about fashion.

Bryant could have responded differently, absolutely. But you know what? It takes two to "create a scene." And, in this case, centuries of racial discord.

Also, will someone please pass along this article about saggy shorts, written by my favorite Jazz Critic Stanley Crouch, to Dez?

****3/29 Update: ESPN is reporting that Dez Bryant is being sued for over $850,000 by two separate Jewelers who claim that Dez owes them money for jewelry, tickets to sporting events, and loans. These suits are unrelated to his altercation at the mall. I bring you this update to let you know that the Dallas Cowboys, and all their players, suck. *****