I am always the most excited person I know when it comes to horse racing.

The first Saturday in May has come upon us quickly this year. I am just sitting down now to figure out my Kentucky Derby picks. With only 41 hours til post, do I have enough time to pour over bloodlines, sniff out the juiced equines, and figure the most malnourished jockeys? Coursin' I do.

It's going to be a crowded field with 20 horses making a go, and there aren't any sure thing winners here. Dialed In is the favorite coming out of post 8, but he only has 4 races under his flanks. Uncle Mo, the second choice at 9-2 odds, is recovering from a gastrointestinal virus and might not be able to race at all. ***5/6 Note: Uncle Mo is dropping out of the derby***** You might think that Calvin Borel, the jockey who has won 3 of the last 4 derbies, might bring some cachet to his horse Twice the Appeal, but that colt is a longshot at 30-1.

The entirety of speculation about this year's derby dandies comes laden with disclaimers like "it's a murky race of motley horses," “the field is wide open,” and “in an unpredictable cloud of mediocre, any horse can win.” All the mud in the divining pool has me scrambling for hard facts to fuel my Kentucky Derby prognosticating. Here's one. Did you know that the "time honored method" of choosing post position involves pulling numbered pills from a bottle? Crazy. And, with that fact, here are my picks for the 137 Kentucky Derby:

1. Mucho Macho Man (Post 13,  12-1 odds) Almost given up for dead when he was born and lay motionless for several minutes without a heartbeat, tended by a trainer who just recently returned to the barn after a heart transplant, Macho Man is a miracle horse.
2. Pants on Fire (Post 7, 30-1 odds) Kentucky's own Pants had a sweet workout in the mud earlier this week, and it looks like a sloppy track is in store for Saturday's contest. He's ridden by just the 6th woman jockey in derby history.
3. Dialed In (Post 8, 4-1) This hoss seems like the never say die type and has the best post position. But all I keep reading from the horses connections are excuses for how slow he is. Slow for a racehorse, that is.
4. Twice the Appeal (Post 3, 30-1) I don't bet against Calvin Borel in the slop at the Kentucky Derby. But I apparently don't bet with him, either. This horse is slower than Dialed In, but that might not matter in mud.
5. Archarcharch (Post 1, 10-1) Starting from post 1 is especially difficult in a crowded field of 19 horses. He’s reported to have had phenomenal training runs, so he’s got a good shot if he can get through the gates unscathed.
6. Soldat (Post 17, 20-1) Lady Luck tramped it up on poor Soldat; he's suffered through stumbling starts and rail runs alike in previous races. With the post next to him vacated by Uncle Mo, maybe he'll have some room to run. A real mudeater.
7. Brilliant Speed (Post 2, 30-1) A turf horse who has been training surprisingly well in the mud.
8. Shakleford (Post 14, 20-1 odds) He’s won on this track before. An energetic, speedy mount, Shakleford can take the roses if he doesn’t let Comma to the Top and Decisive Moment lure him into a front run early in the race.
9. Nehro (Post 19, 6-1) Runs with the eye of the tiger. Nehro appears to be in fine fiddle, but he hasn’t run much since arriving at Churchill Downs.
10. Animal Kingdom (Post 16, 20-1) This horse threw his rider last Wednesday and broke the rider’s nose. Animal Kingdom is wild indeed.
11. Midnight Interlude (Post 15, 12-1) The sharps keep deriding Interlude's previous races as being held at 5th rate tracks, as if he raced in the parking lot behind the Walmart in Tagg Flats before crashing Churchill Downs. Hall of Fame trainer Bob Baffert must be slumming here. Interlude does not seem keen on the mud.
12. Santiva (Post 12, 30-1) Santiva is the JD Drew of horses. He’s got all the tools, but seems more than a little disinterested.
13. Master of Hounds (Post 11, 20-1) I love a dark horse from Ireland. Also, I love Metallica's 3rd album, Mater of Puppets.
14. Watch Me Go (Post 20, 50-1) Not a premier horse to begin with, Watch Me Go drew a tough post position and is a victim of musical saddles. A real workhorse, so he’ll sneak past some tired old mares.
15. Twinspired (Post 10, 30-1) Good Guy Mike Smith is riding a beast among beasts. But the big boys don’t often win, and Twinspired is a turf specialist to boot.
16. Decisive Moment (Post 5, 50-1) There will come a decisive moment in the race when this horse will have to choose between being a front runner and staying a front runner.
17. Stay Thirsty (Post 4, 30-1) Riding without blinkers this time. Riding dirty.
18. Comma to the Top (Post 6, 30-1) All indications are that this horse is a palooka. An opponent. He’ll run to the front of the pack early on, and then you’ll never hear his name again.
19. Derby Kitten (Post 9, 30-1) An Astroturf specialist, the muck is going to eat Kitten up.

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Superfecta Box: Mucho Macho Man, Soldat, Dialed In, Nehro

Worth including in Superfectas: Brilliant Speed, Twice the Appeal, Archarcharch, Shakleford

Upset Special: Brilliant Speed at 30-1 odds.

Five Best Names:

1.      Archarcharch

2.      Master of Hounds

3.      Midnight Interlude

4.      Uncle Mo (not racing)

5.      Pants on fire

Five Worst Names

1.      Derby Kitten

2.      Twinspired

3.      Stay Thirsty

4.      Comma to the Top

5.      Brilliant Speed

MLB Predictions 2011

Last year, my MLB season picks weren't spot on. I'll dissect the agony and the ecstasy of those 2010 ML picks at the end of this post.

First, however, because hope springs eternal, and spring springs once a year, and baseball springs also, it's time to debut my MLB Predictions for 2011.

American League
East 

1. Boston Red Sox    Best Team in baseball.
2. New York Yankees  A fine, if somewhat aged, lineup. Their rotation is a problem. And doesn't this have to be the year that Mariano Rivera jumps the shark?
3. Tampa Bay Rays  Sporting a new look lineup and a bullpen by committee.
4. Toronto Blue Jays   Could score metric tons of runs, but the rotation is a little green.
5. Baltimore Orioles   The Orioles are the slow-pitch softball team of MLB. I predict a lot of 13-12 games.

Central

1. Minnesota Twins   A dependable, well-rounded team. It seems like the Twins always have a steady farmhand on call if injury strikes.
2. Chicago White Sox (wild card winner)  The opposite of the Twins, the White Sox are like the dynamite on board the Black Rock in Lost. There's a lot of volatility on this team.
3. Detroit Tigers  I like their rotation, but this team will always be one Miguel Cabrera bender away from falling out of contention.
4. Cleveland Indians  The Indians are rebuilding, and aren't doing a good job of it.
5. Kansas City Royals  There are some exciting young players on this team. I guess they're finally starting to get the hang of picking first in the draft.

West

1. Texas Rangers   A murderer's row of hitting, a desolation row of pitching.
2. California Angels in Anaheim  A pleasant blend of hitting, defending, pitching, and coaching.
3. Oakland Athletics   No pop in this lineup, and I'm not buying the rotation hype. Anderson and Gonzalez are legit; Cahill and Braden aren't.
4. Seattle Mariners  A lot of things need to break right for the Mariners to top .500.

National League
East

1. Atlanta Braves  I hate to admit it, but the NL East reign of the Braves has begun.
2. Philadelphia Phillies (wild card)   Pitching won't be a problem, but a combination of injuries, age, and unwillingness to take pitches has unhinged this lineup.
3. Florida Marlins  The Marlins are a few years away from winning the World Series. And then auctioning off their roster to the highest bidder.
4. New York Mets  The Mets have gotten to the point of paying their overpriced talent to go home. Yikes.
5. Washington Nationals  If Steven Strasburg can come back from Tommy John surgery, this team has the talent to contend in a few years. For now, their starting pitcher is Livan Hernandez.

Central

1. Milwaukee Brewers  Pitching and pop, with Prince hungry for a new contract.
2. Cincinnati Reds  We'll see how this young team deals with success. Also, Dusty Baker has already made Johnny Cueto's arm fall off, it won't be long before he does in Edinson Volquez.
3. St. Louis Cardinals  Tony La Russa could very well overmanage this team to playoff contention, but I see a lot of borderline big league players here.
4. Chicago Cubs  An intriguing ballclub, but the Cubs always find a way to suck.
   
5. Huston Astros  Built by GM Ed Wade. Nuff said.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates  Grading them on a curve for recent futility, the Pirates have a pretty snappy lineup. Their rotation is a nightmare, though.

West

1. Colorado Rockies  Much as I hate purple, this team has talent all over its roster. It's going to feast on the atrocious West.
2. Los Angeles Dodgers  Forget Divorce Court, the McCourts ought to be tried at the Hague for crimes against humanity for what they did to a promising Dodgers team.
3. San Francisco Giants  The Giants have a nice rotation and a rag-tag collection of position players that through some cosmic kismet got hot last postseason. It won't happen again.
4. Arizona Diamondbacks Love the lineup. The arms are mediocre.
5. San Diego Padres  22nd in the majors in runs scored, 28th in batting average. No more Adrian Gonzalez. Think they'll get to 90 wins again? I say they'll be lucky to break 70.

World Series
Boston Red Sox over Atlanta Braves in six.

Awards
I'm picking two gimmies for MVP, so I'm going with two dark horses for Cy Young.

NL MVP: Albert Pujols, Cardinals
AL MVP: Carl Crawford, Red Sox
AL Cy Young: Max Scherzer, Tigers
NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers
NL Rookie of the Year: Aroldis Chapman, Reds
Al Rookie of the Year: Jesus Montero, Yankees
NL Manager of the Year: Jim Tracy, Colorado Rockies
AL Manager of the Year: Tito Francona, Boston Red Sox


Recapping Last Year's Picks

There's a fella who writes for Sports Illustrated, Cliff Corcoran, who writes a column called "Awards Watch" about the MLB season awards. You know, MVP, Cy Young, that kind of thing. Here's something he says in his latest column:

"Awards Watch lists the top candidates in each league for the award at hand, basing the rankings on who is most likely to win, not necessarily who is most deserving, though the latter is identified in the text when the inevitable fission occurs.
In my final regular season column of 2010, I predicted the top three finishers in each of the six races."

He says, in effect, that he picked the MLB regular season awards pretty accurately AFTER THE MLB REGULAR SEASON HAD CONCLUDED. This is like saying, "I put some fish in a barrel, and I was able to shoot most of them." At season's end, there are only a handful of likely candidates for each award, and there is almost always a prohibitive favorite.

We don't pad our stats here at Crying Eagles, Noble Turkeys, Red Glares. We call our shots at the beginning of the game, before Cliff Lee gets traded to the Rangers. And we take our lumps when God blesses the Giants with a World Series title because God loves Gay Marriage.

So, without further ado, here is how my 2010 Baseball picks shook out last season. The actual results are in bold, my picks are in parentheses.

American League

East
If the Red Sox hadn't filled a wing of Massachusetts General Hospital with their injured players, I think my AL East picks would've been more respectable.

1. Tampa Bay Rays (3)
2. New York Yankees (1) -Won Wild Card-
3. Boston Red Sox (2, wild card)
4. Toronto Blue Jays (5)
5. Baltimore Orioles (4)

Central
I know Middle America pretty well. They love me there.

1. Minnesota Twins (1)
2. Chicago White Sox (2)
3. Detroit Tigers (3)
4. Cleveland Indians (5)
5. Kansas City Royals (4)

West
Yikes. No excuses. Well, one excuse: I fell for the new look Mariners with all their pitching and defense. They turned out to be the old look Mariners.

1. Texas Rangers (3)
2. Oakland Athletics (4)
3. California Angels in Anaheim (1)
4. Seattle Mariners (2)

National League
East
On target. I'm a B-2 bomber, and the NL East is why the military budget is astronomical.

1. Philadelphia Phillies (1)
2. Atlanta Braves (2, wild card) -won wild card-
3. Florida Marlins (3)
4. New York Mets (4)
5. Washington Nationals (5)

Central
The youthful Reds coalesced and ruined what would've been a pretty solid prognostication on my part.

1. Cincinnati Reds (3)
2. St. Louis Cardinals (1)
3. Milwaukee Brewers (2)
4. Houston Astros (5)
5. Chicago Cubs (4)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (6)

West
Picking the NL West was, and is, like picking which one of my dog's turd logs to scoop off the sidewalk first. They all stink. Yes, I'm saying that the Giants stink.

1. San Francisco Giants (3)
2. San Diego Padres (5)
3. Colorado Rockies (2)
4. Los Angeles Dodgers (1)
5. Arizona Diamondbacks (4)

World Series:
The Yankees and Phillies nearly made it, but instead we had to suffer through the Giants and Rangers.
Giants over Rangers (Yankees over Phillies)

Awards
Mostly respectable misses for me here, except for picking Don Wakamatsu to win Manager of the Year. He got fired instead.

But check out my Cy Young picks! Pretty sharp shooting for your boy.
 
NL Rookie of the Year: Buster Posey, Giants (Jason Heyward, Braves)
AL Rookie of the Year: Neftali Feliz (Wade Davis, Rays)
NL Manager of the Year: Bud Black, Padres (Bobby Cox, Braves)
AL Manager of the Year: Ron Gardenhire, Twins (Don Wakamatsu, Mariners)
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, Phillies (ding! ding! ding!)
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez, Mariners (ding! ding! ding!)
NL MVP: Joey Votto, Reds (Chase Utley, Phillies)
AL MVP: Josh Hamilton, Rangers (Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox)

 

NFL Predictions 2010

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys I really hate to admit it, but the Cowboys are stacked deep and wide. And tall. Only Wade Phillips can screw this team up.
2. NY Giants The Giants weren't a bad team last year, they just mysteriously quit trying. With the Eagles rebuilding and the Redskins down, the Giants have the talent to take second in the beast.
3. Washington Racists  Donnie Mac is going to lead this team from atrocity to mediocrity.
4. Philadelphia Eagles The Birds have some nice offensive toys, but they let a lot of talent go in the offseason and could have a dreadful defense. QB Kevin Kolb hasn't looked particularly sharp in the preseason. I just don't know if the young players on this team can grind out a winning season this year.

NFC North

1. Green Bay Packers More talent than Dallas, I think, and so much more wholesome.
2. Minnesota Vikings (wild card) I love Brett Favre, but if the O-Line protects him like they did in that playoff loss to New Orleans, he's going to be ground into dust by the end of the season. The Vikes also are in trouble at the wide receiver position, where Sidney Rice will miss at least half the season, and Percy Harvin' status will be in doubt on a weekly basis.
3. Chicago Bears Da Bears made some bold moves this offseason, and they'd have a healthy shot at the playoffs if they didn't have such a tough schedule.
4. Detroit Lions I'm actually going to look forward to watching the Lions play this year. They are two years of development away from being Super Bowl contenders.

NFC South

1. Atlanta Falcons  Matt Ryan is ripe on the vine, as is the rest of the Falcon's core. The Falcons are a well-balanced team ready to overtake the villainous Saints
2. New Orleans Saints (wild card) The Saints played dirty in the NFC Championship vs. the Vikings, and karma + the Madden Curse will keep them out of the playoffs this year if there is any decency in the world.
3. Carolina Panthers The Panthers have two brittle, all-world running backs, a one-armed Steve Smith, and little else. Better luck next year.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Young and frisky, the Bucs are going to be a lot better than last year. But they need to grow a few more inches before they can get on the big boy rides. Also, Aqib Talib needs to stop punching cabbies.

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers  This tepid division will make the Niners look unstoppable. They have a strong defense and some quality pieces on O. Alex Smith is not one of them.
2. Arizona Cardinals  The Cardinals lost a whole lotta talent this offseason and didn't pick any up. They need to coax Kurt Warner out of retirement.
3. St. Louis Rams  The Rams are making a huge mistake starting Sam Bradford right out of the gate. This team is going to blow chunks with or without him, and he's likely to develop bad habits while running for his life behind a shaky offensive line. It'll be a shame to see him flame out.
4. Seattle Seahawks  Worst team in the conference this season. Pete Carroll wrote a book detailing his misguided ideas about how keeping athletes (and worker bees) looking over their shoulders is the way to bring out the best in them. The fact is, Pete doesn't know how to bring out the best in anybody- he just knows how to best utilize boosters to bribe the best talent into signing with what becomes the best college team. That formula won't work in Seattle.

AFC East

1. NY Jets  If this team stays hungry and the Sanchise blooms, they are a top Super Bowl contender. I love the offseason moves.
2. Miami Dolphins (Wild Card)  The Dolphins are a sturdy team. They ought to be sponsored by Carhartt.
3. New England Patriots  Resentment and discontent abound. Randy Moss feels disrespected by ownership. Pro Bowl Left Guard Logan Mankins feels so disrespected by ownership that he's holding out. Tom Brady (and his hair, see picture) should feel disrespected by ownership because they haven't made any progress on his contract. The Mass Pike is littered with the corpses of players disrespected by ownership. On the field, meanwhile, the Pats have no running game, a declining defense, and an admittedly "not one-hundred percent" Wes Welker. New England is going to be ghoulish by Halloween.
4. Buffalo Bills  Speaking of ghoulish, your 2010 Buffalo Bills.

AFC North

1. Cincinnati Bengals  A solid team all around. Like the brick house built by the third little pig. Stout and mean defensively, above average and well-rounded offensively.
2. Baltimore Ravens (Wild Card) The Ravens have a phenomenal offense. The best four-man receiving corps in the league, an emerging superstar in Ray Rice, the best O-line in the league, a hard-nosed quarterback ready to break out, an underrated, dependable (when he's on the field) tight end, a bruising, old-school fullback, and a fine complimentary back in Willis McGahee. I don't know how any defense can game plan against the Ravens, especially if Donte Stallworth steps up as a deep threat.   The defense, on the other hand, is not what it once was. If that secondary is as leaky as it looks, I see a lot of shootouts in the Raven's future.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers  Big Ben is out for four games, Santonio Holmes is gone, and while the Head and Shoulders pitchman is back, the defense doesn't look like an Iron Curtain anymore. Rashard Mendenhall, the team's only decent running back, has fumbling problems. The Steelers have a lot of talent, but do they have enough to recover from an 0-4 start to the season?
4. Cleveland Browns  The good news is that Shaun Rogers won't be suspended for bringing a loaded gun to an airport. The bad news is that this team stinks.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts  Peyton Manning is incredible, and this might be the best wide receiver rotation that he's ever had at his disposal. Young running back Donald Brown might be poised for a bustout. Yes sir, the Colts are going to be resting their starters again for the last two weeks of the season.
2. Houston Texans  With their depth of talent, there is every reason to think the Texans will make the playoffs this year. Except that they never make the playoffs.
3. Tennessee Titans  This is a really good team. Chris Johnson was unbelievable last season, and Vince Young went from suicide watch to pro bowl watch. They play the Roethlisberger-less Steelers in week 1 and the Colts B Squad in week 17. The Titans could easily swap places with the Texans and nab a wild card spot, but I think they are a lesser team.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars  MJD has a mysterious, undocumented knee ailment. Without him, this team falls flat.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers The Bolts hold on to win this division only because it's putrid. They have a rookie at running back, a linebacker who lost his star power when he stopped taking steroids, and an elite wide receiver who is going to miss at least the first 6 weeks of the season.
2. Kansas City Chiefs  The Chiefs are coached up and have some bright spots on the roster. With a hearty running game and Matt Cassel's potential as a starting quarterback, they will be mildly better than last year.
3. Oakland Raiders  The Raiders were ready to grab 2nd place in this division before injuries hit in training camp. Jason Campbell has an iffy wrist, their best running back has an injury which prevents him from holding on to the ball, and their sleeper wide receiver is about to be sleeping on a surgeon's table.
4. Denver Broncos  I hate that B-Dawk is on this crappy team.

AFC Championship: Jets over Colts
NFC Championship: Packers over Cowboys
Super Bowl: Packers over Jets

Horses and Phillies, live from Nana's house

This blog is coming to you live from Nana's house, from a computer that seems to be running a vintage '98 edition of internet explorer. Nana is partying down at the senior center, so I thought I'd throw out a quick blog update.

Roy Oswalt has indeed been traded to the Phillies. It's not as doom and gloom as I thought it would be, as Oswalt dropped his demand that the Phillies pick up his 2012 opion and Houston is paying $11 million of his salary for this year and next.

Though I still have many of the same concerns about Oswalt as I did in my last post, getting Oswalt for this year and next for $12 million represents good value for the Phillies. As long as Oswalt stays healthy, he'll be well worth that amount. The Phillies gave up JA Happ and some not-sure-thing prospects, and while losing Happ at his value-priced salary is a bit of a bummer, Oswalt is clearly the better pitcher, Keith Law has this to say about Happ:

"Happ is a fifth-starter type with good command and deception but fringy stuff without a real knockout pitch. He's a particularly bad fit for Houston's ballpark as a left-handed fly ball pitcher who has had some trouble with right-handed hitters. He's also coming off a forearm strain that has ruined his 2010 season. Other than that, he's everything you could ask for in a pitcher."

I pretty much echo those sentiments. I think Happ is a tough-minded pitcher who works very hard, but he's limited by his stuff. He would have to get by on guts and guile to become an elite pitcher, and that happens only rarely in the major leagues.

The Phillies are not in any shape to win it all this year, injuries and a world series hangover pretty much ensured that. But with Oswalt and the lineup waking up a bit, the Phillies do have the talent to challenge for a playoff spot. Next season looks bright as well, though I'd like the long term outlook a whole lot more if they'd have traded the same players for Dan Haren! Damn it!
By the way, Ed Wade has done his best work for the Phillies as GM of the Astros.

In horse racing news, the Haskell Stakes is this weekend. It's a tough field without any real longshots. Here are my quick picks:

1. Ice Box
2. First Dude
3. Lookin at Lucky
4. Trappe Shot
5. Uptowncharleybrown
6. Super Saver
7. Afleet Again
8. Our Dark Knight

I just recalled that I never wrote about how I did in the Belmont, so I'll recap those results when I do the Haskell finishes.

World Cup Notes

• Most Villainous-Looking Player: Franck Ribery, France

• Best Player Name: Stephen Girard, England

• Second Best Player Name: Kaka, Brazil

• Third Best Player Name: Rafael van der Vaart, Netherlands

• Fourth Best Player Name: Bastian Schweinsteiger, Germany

• Fifth Best Player Name: Didier Drogba, Ivory Coast

• Best USA Player: Tim Howard

• Best Trivia about Best USA Player: Tim Howard has Tourette’s Syndrome

• Best Shot: Giovanni Van Bronckhorst versus Uruguay: See it here at the 12 second mark.

• Best Goal Celebration: Miroslav Klose flips after scoring on Argentina

• World Cup MVP: Thomas Müller, Germany

• World Cup Flopping MVP: Kader Keita, Ivory Coast. See him reenact The Scream after running into Kaka’s arm (and somehow Kaka gets slapped with a red card) here, at minute 2:10 of the video.

• World Cup Anti-Flopping MVP: Arjen Robben of the Netherlands should have flopped in the 82^nd minute of the World Cup Final, as he would have gotten a penalty shot and possibly won the game. He didn’t. See it at minute 2:40. Instead, Robben got a yellow card for yelling at the ref to give him the call.

• Best Team Nickname: Bafana Bafana, South Africa

• Second Best Team Nickname: Die Mannschaft, Germany

• Third Best Team Nickname: La Furia Roja, Spain

• Fourth Best Team Nickname: Los Charruas, Uruguay

• Fifth Best Team Nickname: To Piratiko, Greece

• Sixth Best Team Nickname: The Chollima, North Korea

• Best Uniform: Cameroon

• Runner-up Best Uniform: Ghana

• Sexiest Uniform: Les Bleus (France)

• Best National Anthem: Uruguay 

• Most commented-upon, and well-warranted, world cup annoyance: the drone of Vuvuzelas.
  
  
  

• Best World Cup “Fans”: North Koreans

• Best World Cup Sensation: Paul, the octopus.

• Poorest Sportsmanship: French coach Raymond Domenech refusing to shake hands with South African coach Carlos Alberto Parreira. Later, when asked to explain his lack of sportsmanship Domenech said, "I have no intention of replying to this question.” When the question was repeated, he croaked: "If these are all the questions you are going to ask me, I am going to leave you, we are not from the same world."

• Best Fashion Statement by a Coach: Joachim Loew’s lucky blue cashmere sweater, available at Strenesse.

• Worst Officiating Moment: Koman Coulibaly calls a ghost-foul, costing USA a win over Slovenia.

• Second Worst Officiating Moment: Clint Dempsey “offsides” goal disallowed against Algeria. See it at the 24 second mark.

• Third Worst Officiating Moment: Frank Lampard of England shoots a ball off the goalpost that clearly lands in goal against Germany in the round of 16, which would have leveled the game at 2-2. The goal is inexplicably waved off, and Germany goes on to win 4-1.

• Fourth Worst Officiating Moment: Clint Dempsey takes a fist to the face, drawing blood, but not a red card against Algeria.

• Fifth Worst Officiating Moment(s): It’s impossible to pick the most terrible officiating moment in Howard Webb’s performance during the World Cup Final. He couldn’t figure out when to give corner kicks. He threw yellow cards when there should have been red cards, and yellow cards when there should have been no cards. Also, no cards when there should have been yellow cards.

• Most Ridiculously Despicable, but Quasi-Legal, Play: It cost him a red card and drew a (missed) penalty shot, but Uruguay forward Luis Suarez blocked a sure-thing goal with his hand and stole a win away from Ghana. In the NBA, if you stick your hand in the basket and block a shot that was going into the net, the shot counts. They don’t make you shoot a free throw to try to score the bucket again. FIFA rules are nuts.

• Most Exciting World Cup Last Minute Score, American Edition: Landon Donovan’s goal in the 91^st minute against Algeria, catapulting the US into the knockout rounds. Like I said before, you have Tim Howard to thank for beautifully setting up that goal.

• Most Exciting World Cup Last Minute Score, International Edition: Andres Iniesta wins Spain the World Cup with only 4 minutes left in extra time.

• Best Match: Germany over Uruguay, 3-2, in the third-place game.

• Best World Cup Announcers, English Speaking: Ian Darke and John Harkes. I fancy Ian Darke’s commentary, and wish he and any of his colleagues would sign on for an NFL gig.

• Best World Cup Announcer, Spanish Speaking: Jose Antonio Camacho

• Best Comment by a World Cup Announcer: “One of the softest goals you'll ever see at this level of football. It doesn't often happen in schoolboy play.” –Martin Tyler, on Team USA’s improbable score against England goalie Robert Green.

 

Best cheesesteaks in Philadelphia, ranked.

1. Chubby's Identical to the set on "Boy Meets World," except for the downstairs teenage dream hangout.
2.      Tony Luke’s  Tony Luke’s keeps it bona fide. I like my cheesesteaks served in a modest take-away under the shadow of the interstate.

3.      Dattilo’s  Dattilo’s is an authentic Italian-American deli that happens to serve up a tasty steak. It’s the Super Mario of cheesesteaks: above average in all its moves.

4.      Grey Lodge Pub  This place is one of Northeast Philadelphia’s premiere attractions. A terrific steak, and a phenomenal beer list. Tap it. Best Chicken Cheesesteak I’ve ever had, incidentally.

5.      Chink’s  Yes, Samuel “Chink” Sherman’s nickname is likely the result of the racism of his day. I can’t condone it. But I can condone the timewarped trip on which this shop sends me, meat in mouth.

6.      Pat’s  Hard to evaluate a Pat’s cheesesteak with judicial clarity. When real Philadelphians eat there, it is always at 3AM after closing down a bar. Tastes really fine during a fever dream.

7.      Steve’s Prince of Steaks  I wish it was called Steve’s “Prince” of Steaks

8.      Dalessandro’s  I feel like I’m cheating on Chubby’s when I steak here, but it’s a good change of pace.

9.      Station Pizza  Value-priced, solid cheesesteak. Plunk down $3.50 and hope to evade the salmonella.

10.  Geno’s  Geno’s is a little much. Too glitzy, too expensive, too proud of itself. Still, they manage a satisfying steak despite the tourist trappiness.

The Test of the Champion: Belmont Stakes Picks

There won't be much of an audience for the Belmont Stakes this year as the “Test of the Champion” lacks a champion. Neither Kentucky Derby winner Super Saver nor Preakness Prized Lookin at Lucky will run the Big Sandy. Why? Their owners and trainers say the jewel winners need rests. This may be true, but there could be other reasons. Super Saver’s sperm stock, for example, can only go down: he won because of a muddy track at the Derby but lost at the dryer, shorter Preakness. A loss at the long, dry Belmont track kicks Saver's stud worth in the nads. As for Lucky, he probably does need a rest, but I can’t shake the suspicion that he’s skipping the run for the carnations because he is at the end of a steroid cycle. Chemically enhanced horses, I’ve learned, need longer layoffs to give their bodies a break from the juice.

Dirty, dirty sports. Nay, dirty, dirty life: everybody is on something, dog.

I’ll stop there. I don’t want to get too far away from horse business. The Belmont is today and I need to get my picks in to prove that I am becoming a pony savant. It's a tough race to call. Only two Grade 1 winners in Ice Box and Stately Victor. No horse will have raced in all three legs of the triple crown. My favorite horse, Jackson Bend, is not in the race. Neither is this blog’s official racehorse Noble’s Promise. So my only allegiance in Test of the Champion is to Fly Down, who I said before is going to win the day. I wish I could step off that bandwagon, but it’s too late.

Here are my Belmont predictions, followed by the bets I would make if all my net worth wasn’t tied up in a Nigerian business venture. Current odds and post positions in parentheses.

1. Fly down (9-2, post 5) I feel like a Nick Zito trained horse is going to win this race. I just don’t know which one. Fly Down has run well at Belmont before, and he smoked First Dude twice.
2. Ice Box (3-1, post 6) The only reason I’m not picking Ice Box to win is that I said Fly Down would win this race in my last triple crown blog post. Big Box is bred for this distance, they say. They also say they’ve calculated that Ice Box was actually the fastest horse in the Derby and that he only lost because he took a circuitous route. Sharp horse, that Ice Box.
3. Drosselmeyer (12-1, post 7) Drossel's got some bruised frogs. What the hell is that?!
4. Uptowncharleybrown (10-1, post 3) He's a live one.
5. Game on Dude (10-1, post 8) This is my preferred dude.
6. Spangled Star (20-1, post 2) This blog's Belmont Stakes 2010 official racehorse is also my longshot special. Bred for the distance by Rick Dutrow, who's not afraid to stick a needle in that ass. Ol' Spangled is going to hit the gas hard.
7. Make Music for Me (10-1, post 4) I hated the music maker before and he bit me on the rump. I still hate on him, but not as much. He's got a female trainer who would love to be the first female trainer to win the Belmont.
8. Interactif (12-1, post 12) He's been training at the Big Sandy for five weeks, so he's familiar with the track. But Interactif will have to break well from a rotten post position.
9. First Dude (7-2, Post 11) I hope a bad post position keeps this guy down. Why? I quote: Trainer Dale Romans says "a lot of Republicans" will like his horse. First Dude takes long strides, which is so Republican. But I have a feeling he's going to run out of gas before this race ends, just like America will if we don't switch over to sustainable energy. Look, if this horse wins, we invade Iran.
10. Stately Victor (15-1, post 9) Stately V wins best name on the track (despite his previously noted pointy head). He stunk in the slop at the Derby, but he's the only other Grade 1 horse in this race- we'll see if Grade 1 means anything. 
11. Stay Put (20-1, post 10) I heard about his lackluster workouts over the past few weeks. Practice? We talkin bout practice!
12. Dave in Dixie (20-1, post 1) Calvin Borel is riding, which is the only positive thing I've read about this hoss. Dave has been called a "plodder," which I don't think is a compliment for a race horse.

$24 in Bets:
$2 Place Spangled Star
$2 Place Stately Victor
$2 Win Drosselmeyer
$2 Exacta Ice Box over Fly Down
$2 Exacta Fly Down over Ice Box
$1 Superfecta Fly Down, Ice Box, Drosselmeyer, Game On Dude
$1 Superfecta Fly Down, Ice Box, Drosselmeyer, Uptowncharleybrown
$2 Trifecta box Fly Down, Ice Box, First Dude

Get your Preak on

Sadly, this blog's official racehorse, Noble's Promise, is not going to run the Preakness. Yet somehow, I still have a hayfever, because hay is for horses.

Despite my glaring incompetence at betting the ponies, all I can think of is getting my gambling revenge on the Philadelphia Turf Club. This is how they get you, isn't it? Luckily, my unlucky betting has depleted my bank account like a scorned Elin Nordegren, and the Turf Club won't let me make bets without the cold hard stuff. So my revenge will not include giving these slimy rascals more money.

Instead, my revenge will be predicting the Preakness finish of every horse in the field! Then, I'm going to lock down the bets I'd make if I had money. Finally, as a coup de grace, I will tell you the winner of the Belmont Stakes. Except that I'm flipping the script and going coup de grace first: I have it on good authority that the Belmont winner will be: Fly Down. How ya like me now??

The Preakness Prognosis:

1. Lookin at Lucky  Good post position and a dry track, probly break his leg taking a pre-race dump.
2. Jackson Bend  Cost me the farm at the derby, but I was told to stay true to my first love.
3. Caracortado  "Scarface" is the new Super Saver.
4. Pleasant Prince  Milton Bradley award for best name on the field.
5. Super Saver  Mudder likes his hooves wet, his mane clumpy, and his flank on the rail.
6. Paddy O'Prado  I would rather watch Leap Year than this horse.
7. Schoolyard Dreams  Heard he's Dr. Dirt. He farted in Super Saver's face before.
8. Dublin  Has a new jockey on board. Those little men get around, and make little difference.
9. Yawanna Twist  Watch yer ice cream cone if you don't want him licking it. People say this is a sneaky horse. 
10. Aikenite  More honest than Yawanna Twist, he's also the Brad Lidge of Preak-ers. That is, he probably won't close, but he might.
11. Northern Giant  Most mudderly horse in the race, he picked the wrong jewel o' the 3 crown.
12. First Dude  Must lose this race or the Earth will stop spinning. This big dumb brute would be my longshot special if I didn't think Sarah Palin was the Antichrist.

Longshot Special: Pleasant Prince at 20-1 odds.

And here are the bets I'd make if I had a nickel (or $26) to me name:
$2 Wins on Jackson Bend and Lookin at Lucky
$2 Shows on Pleasant Prince and Caracortado
$2 Exacta on Lookin at Lucky and Jackson Bend
$2 Exacta Box on Lookin at Lucky and Super Saver
$1 Trifecta Box on Lookin at Lucky, Jackson Bend and Caracortado
$1 Trifecta Box on Lookin at Lucky, Jackson Bend, and Super Saver

Please don't draft Tim Tebow! and other Eagles draft needs

Before the NCAA football season ended, sports heads unanimously agreed that Tim Tebow would never make it in the NFL, and would be lucky to get drafted at all as a WR/RB/TE/QB hybrid.

Cut to a few months later, after Tebow promised to change his throwing mechanics, and he is regarded as a first round pick. And rumor has it the Eagles are interested.

I don't know how perception about Tebow's ability changed so suddenly and dramatically. Wait, I do know. Tebow debuted an inconsistent new throwing motion at a workout, and it was all NFL teams needed to justify taking him early. The only problem is that the new justification doesn't make any sense.

Anybody can change their throwing mechanics if the practice with coaches for a couple months. Even I could do it. Even my dog could do it. GM's had to know that they could change Tebow's mechanics after they signed him. The things they feared they couldn't change about Tebow- his inability to make progressions after the snap, his poor decision-making, his dependence on athletic ability to get him out of trouble (which won't work in the NFL as much because everyone is freakishly athletic)- are still unresolved and unlikely to change.

As for the Eagles drafting Tebow... isn't Kolb the QB of the future? That's the reason McNabb got bumped, isn't it? Yes and yes. It would be a hideous mistake to draft another QB of the future when there are other, glaring, actual needs.

That said, here are the Eagles draft needs by position, in order of importance:
Safety, Cornerback, Defensive End, Linebacker, Offensive Tackle, Center, Running Back, Guard, Defensive Tackle, Tight End, Punter, Quarterback, Wide Receiver, Fullback, Kicker. Got it, Andy?
 --------------------------------------------

4/23 update: Denver drafted Tebow with the 25th pick in the first round. Rut roh, mile-highers! Let us always remember that Tebow was drafted far ahead of Jimmy Clausen- Who Mel Kiper believes is the best QB in the draft- and also Colt McCoy and Dan LeFevour. Always remember, never forget.