Obsessively ranking, knowing better, and talking turkey in miraculously spangled garb.

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Monday, May 17, 2010

Like a centaur, I'm getting to know my horse bits

The Preak came and went, and I feel a lot less like burying my head in hot horse chips than I did after the Derby.

I think I did ok with my Preakness predictions, though if I had actually bet the race I'd be digging sofas for change to buy a dang apple for dinner. I either got a whisper better talkin horses or any Tom off the street has a good chance to pick a winner in a 12 horse race. I got three horses (including the winner) pegged on the snout in finish position, was off by only 1 on two horses, off by 2 spots on one horse, and- stretching here- off by 3 on another two ponies. In total, my rankings were off by 3 places or less on 8 of 12 hossies. That's not great, but better than last time.

My biggest mistakes were on First Dude- who rolled his hefty self to second place and will be a favorite for the Belmont- and Pleasant Prince, Caracortado, and Yawanna Twist.

Here are the results of the Preakness Stakes 2010, with the ranking I had for the horses in parentheses next to their names. Thanks to fanhouse.com for caring enough to list the complete aftermath- it's surprisingly hard to get a full list of horses on the WWW.

Preakness Stakes Order of Finish
1.Lookin at Lucky (1) Got a clean run and won a race for JB. Too bad he won't be at the Belmont.
2.First Dude (12) People are going to expect big First Douche to make a good run at the Belmont Stakes, and you can expect a lot of dude on dude talk (First Dude vs. Game On Dude), but Ice Box and the hot-hoofed Fly Down are going to smoke the big fella (Fly Down spanked First Dude twice already). As for First Dude being the biggest whiff in my Preakness Predictions, you gotta understand that I have a personal vendetta against this staunchly republican horse.
3.Jackson Bend (2) A heartbreaking nose behind First Dude, Jackson had a head of steam into the finish. Makes me wonder how he would've done on a dry land at the Kentucky Derby's longer track.
4.Yawanna Twist (9) Sho enough snuck up on the pack and closed hard.
5. Dublin (8) Broke weird out of the gate and still managed to beat my prediction.
6. Paddy O'Prado (6) It's ok to be a middling horse when you have a good personality.
7.Caracortado (3) These f-ing California horses. Taco Bell should name a diarrhea-inducing soft shell after him and fill it with rotten sea meat.
8.Super Saver (5) Didn't save enough to close in the home stretch.
9.Schoolyard Dreams (7) Outclassed. Get it?
10. Aikenite (10) Horse racing aficionados like honest horses. Seems like you need to be in the club to know what exactly "honest" means when applied to an equine besides it meaning "truthful," which is a trait I find difficult to gauge in a horse. To me, references to Aikenite as "honest" meant that he would come in 10th. Nailed it.
11.Pleasant Prince (4) Nice guys finish second to last. Still love his name.
12.Northern Giant (11) If it's not mud, he doesn't like his toes in it.


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