Wild horses

My Kentucky Derby picks were like the deranged penguin in Werner Herzog's "Encounters at the End of the World." They wandered away to their doom toward a distant mountain. There was no stopping them from it.

People talked about how silky Super Saver runs (Mike Alber, horse savant), how much of a "closer" Ice Box is, how much of a mud machine Paddy O'Prado would be. I wasn't having any of it. Mainly because I can't back a horse named after a coupon newsletter, an anachronistic appliance, or borderline racism. But also because I got no feel for the ponies.

Speaking of people with a real feel for the ponies, I learned this from a trip to the Philadelphia Turf club: horseracing betting dens are not as mahogany, pipe, and Ernest Hemmingway as I thought they'd be. And horse aficionados look a lot more like hepatitis C than C. Gable.

I lost a goat and a monkey, a horse and a flea betting on that darn Jackson Bend. In other words, the farm.

So, here are the results of Kentucky Derby 2010, with the ranking I had for the horses in parentheses next to their names. I only ranked 10 horses, figuring I'd go dec-fecta, so you'll notice that I whiffed Pat Burrell Huge.

1. Super Saver The Daily Racing forum said this hoss was in peak form. Add a nutty Cajun and that's a spicy gumbo.
2. Ice Box (5) The Mariano Rivera of horses. His owner thinks he was the fastest horse in the field but took an unfortunate route to the finish.
3. Paddy O’ Prado Twas the mud made him look fast.
4. Make Music For Me I almost didn't buy my mom a ticket for this horse because I thought he was suck city. But suck city is population: me.
5. Noble’s Promise (2) This blog's official racehorse ran pretty well coming off a lung infection, fading from the lead late. It's Preakness time!
6. Lookin At Lucky (3) As his jockey notes,this horse doesn't like crowds or squirtin muds.
7. Dublin Dublin Shmublin.
8. Stately Victor (9) The closest I got to right.
9. Mission Impazible Booooooooooooooo.
10. Devil May Care (8) This filly is weak like a weak woman. She's no Rachel Alexandra.
11. American Lion (10) A dastardly jerk, like his namesake.
12. Jackson Bend (1) My favorite ran like a rotten turnip.
13. Discreetly Mine (6) The only mildly classy name in the field was in it heading into the stretch, then fell off. He and Jackson Bend didn't have the stamina for this race- they might finish better in the Preakness.
14. Dean’s Kitten
15. Conveyance (7) This horse blew its wad early.
16. Homeboykris
17. Sidney’s Candy
18. Line of David
19. Awesome Act (4) Shoulda known better than to back a Tory in an all-American blog.
20. Backtalk (longshot special) Son of Smarty Jones, my smarting ass.

The Kentucky Courier-Journal has a pretty cool graphic that breaks down the race here.

 To elaborate my abiding foolishness, here is Werner Herzog, interviewed by Aaron Hillis about the deranged penguin:

One of my favorite moments in the film is the lone penguin who inexplicably ventures off alone towards the mountain, perhaps to its death. What do you believe was going through its head?

Well, we do not know because we do not read the mind of penguins. Of course, I do have some sort of question to the penguin scientist whether there's such a thing like derangement or insanity among penguins — and I mean in general, if there's such a thing in animals. That's a different question than, let's say, "March of the Penguins" would pose.
That reminds me of the DVD commentary you recorded for your debut feature, "Signs of Life," on which you criticize chickens for their stupidity. Do you have something against "fluffy penguins" and other flightless birds?
No, but I'm not into the business of [anthropomorphizing] penguins and I'm not into vanilla ice cream sentimentality about wild nature. That's okay; I have no problem with the other films out there that have another view. In fact, my film only has one penguin in it, and "March of the Penguins" is something different. They have been documented enough, I think. I didn't need to make another one. I have no grudge against penguins nor against chickens. [laughs]