The Test of the Champion: Belmont Stakes Picks

There won't be much of an audience for the Belmont Stakes this year as the “Test of the Champion” lacks a champion. Neither Kentucky Derby winner Super Saver nor Preakness Prized Lookin at Lucky will run the Big Sandy. Why? Their owners and trainers say the jewel winners need rests. This may be true, but there could be other reasons. Super Saver’s sperm stock, for example, can only go down: he won because of a muddy track at the Derby but lost at the dryer, shorter Preakness. A loss at the long, dry Belmont track kicks Saver's stud worth in the nads. As for Lucky, he probably does need a rest, but I can’t shake the suspicion that he’s skipping the run for the carnations because he is at the end of a steroid cycle. Chemically enhanced horses, I’ve learned, need longer layoffs to give their bodies a break from the juice.

Dirty, dirty sports. Nay, dirty, dirty life: everybody is on something, dog.

I’ll stop there. I don’t want to get too far away from horse business. The Belmont is today and I need to get my picks in to prove that I am becoming a pony savant. It's a tough race to call. Only two Grade 1 winners in Ice Box and Stately Victor. No horse will have raced in all three legs of the triple crown. My favorite horse, Jackson Bend, is not in the race. Neither is this blog’s official racehorse Noble’s Promise. So my only allegiance in Test of the Champion is to Fly Down, who I said before is going to win the day. I wish I could step off that bandwagon, but it’s too late.

Here are my Belmont predictions, followed by the bets I would make if all my net worth wasn’t tied up in a Nigerian business venture. Current odds and post positions in parentheses.

1. Fly down (9-2, post 5) I feel like a Nick Zito trained horse is going to win this race. I just don’t know which one. Fly Down has run well at Belmont before, and he smoked First Dude twice.
2. Ice Box (3-1, post 6) The only reason I’m not picking Ice Box to win is that I said Fly Down would win this race in my last triple crown blog post. Big Box is bred for this distance, they say. They also say they’ve calculated that Ice Box was actually the fastest horse in the Derby and that he only lost because he took a circuitous route. Sharp horse, that Ice Box.
3. Drosselmeyer (12-1, post 7) Drossel's got some bruised frogs. What the hell is that?!
4. Uptowncharleybrown (10-1, post 3) He's a live one.
5. Game on Dude (10-1, post 8) This is my preferred dude.
6. Spangled Star (20-1, post 2) This blog's Belmont Stakes 2010 official racehorse is also my longshot special. Bred for the distance by Rick Dutrow, who's not afraid to stick a needle in that ass. Ol' Spangled is going to hit the gas hard.
7. Make Music for Me (10-1, post 4) I hated the music maker before and he bit me on the rump. I still hate on him, but not as much. He's got a female trainer who would love to be the first female trainer to win the Belmont.
8. Interactif (12-1, post 12) He's been training at the Big Sandy for five weeks, so he's familiar with the track. But Interactif will have to break well from a rotten post position.
9. First Dude (7-2, Post 11) I hope a bad post position keeps this guy down. Why? I quote: Trainer Dale Romans says "a lot of Republicans" will like his horse. First Dude takes long strides, which is so Republican. But I have a feeling he's going to run out of gas before this race ends, just like America will if we don't switch over to sustainable energy. Look, if this horse wins, we invade Iran.
10. Stately Victor (15-1, post 9) Stately V wins best name on the track (despite his previously noted pointy head). He stunk in the slop at the Derby, but he's the only other Grade 1 horse in this race- we'll see if Grade 1 means anything. 
11. Stay Put (20-1, post 10) I heard about his lackluster workouts over the past few weeks. Practice? We talkin bout practice!
12. Dave in Dixie (20-1, post 1) Calvin Borel is riding, which is the only positive thing I've read about this hoss. Dave has been called a "plodder," which I don't think is a compliment for a race horse.

$24 in Bets:
$2 Place Spangled Star
$2 Place Stately Victor
$2 Win Drosselmeyer
$2 Exacta Ice Box over Fly Down
$2 Exacta Fly Down over Ice Box
$1 Superfecta Fly Down, Ice Box, Drosselmeyer, Game On Dude
$1 Superfecta Fly Down, Ice Box, Drosselmeyer, Uptowncharleybrown
$2 Trifecta box Fly Down, Ice Box, First Dude